


Can you love me again?

by Uniquecorn29



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/F, Happy Ending, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8318839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uniquecorn29/pseuds/Uniquecorn29
Summary: It's been eight years since the last time she has seen her face but she would never be able to forget the look on the blonde's face when she told her she would be leaving... 
Clarke and Lexa were together in High School, head over heals in love with each other but after graduation their ways parted eventually. But they were never able to forget each other.Eight years later their paths cross again but will they find the strength to follow their hearts and be together again?





	1. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is my first ever Clexa-Fic and since I'm from Germany it's also my first work in another language so please be kind :D
> 
> I hope you like it :)

It was almost 9 pm on a Thursday night and Lexa Woods was still sitting in her office in one of Manhattan's skyscrapers that rose high above all the other buildings and adorned New York's famous skyline.  
It was probably the third time - althoug it felt like the twenty-seventh time - she was reading over some papers for an important meeting with a new client the next day. Although she knew all the information by heart by now she still wouldn't stop to read it over and over again. The truth was she didn't really have it in her to return to her empty loft.  
Since her roommate and best friend Lincoln was out of town with his girlfriend Octavia to finally introduce the girl who stole his heart to his parents, Lexa knew that no one would be waiting for her and that's why she didn't really see any sense in leaving the office just yet.  
She rose from her uncomfortable office chair sighing as she stretched her limbs and walked over to the huge glass wall of her office so she could admire the bright city lights, one of the things she could never get tired of as she always discover something new, something that hadn't attracted her attention before.  
She leaned her face against the cold glass. Lexa was lucky, incredibly lucky, she knew that... after graduating from universtity at the age of 24 with a bachelor's degree in Music Business, she had managed to get a job offer from a well-known record company back in New York where she grew up and went to High School until she left...  
After having worked for Polis Records for only a year and a half she was lucky enough to meet some people who believed in her and her talent, her ideas and visions. They seemed to have realized that she had something in her that other people in the industry lacked, something that Lexa didn't even seem to realize herself.  
So at the age of only 26 now she had finally persued her life-long dream of publishing her own lifestyle magazine with Anya, her best friend since she was 12, as the head editor of Grounder Magazine. Of course it was still a startup and they hadn't even published the first issue but Lexa was pretty sure that it would become a great success.  
Once a shy and insecure but still rebellious girl she had grown up to be a successful, independent business woman.  
It's true, Lexa Woods was really lucky... but still... there was something missing.

When she thought about that missing part of her life she couldn't help but immediately have a certain image flash through her mind... and even after all those years she could still remember every single detail of that same face, every curve of the girl's body... the grayish blue of her eyes that had quickly become her favorite color, the little scar right above her left eyebrow that she had since she was just a little child, those soft rose lips that she could still remember the taste of, those lips that she used to kiss goodnight every night before they went to bed... her curly blonde hair that was falling lightly over her shoulders, the hair Lexa used to play with absentmindedly while reading a book when her girlfriend used to curl into her side, kissing her cheek, slowly kissing her way lower until she would reach the brunette's pulse point trying to get her to do something entirely different than just reading... but sometimes they did just that, reading. And those were Lexa's favorite moments when they would just sit across from each other on the huge sofa in her parent's living room, when they would order chinese takeout - Lexa smiled fondly at the memory of Clarke always refusing to let her teach her how to properly eat with chopsticks and instead shoving the noodles messily into her mouth. It was kind of funny to her how the things about the blonde that used to annoy her the most had now become the things she missed the most about her.  
Clarke had never really been very good at cooking but distracting Lexa from making breakfast or dinner, that was something she was incredibly good at...

_Lexa couldn't help but smile as she felt two arms circling around her hips and the soft lips sucking at her pulse point as the blonde buried her face in the crook of her neck._

_„Babe...“, she said warningly._

_„What?“, Clarke murmured, her lips moving against Lexa's skin as she spoke._

_„Stop distracting me... I'm trying to be really romantic here, making your favorite breakfast!“, she answered, turning around in the blonde's embrace just in time to see her eyes light up. Lexa didn't allow herself to let her eyes roam her girlfriends body as she already knew that she wasn't wearing anything under the button down she had borrowed from Lexa's wardrobe._  
„Chocolate Chip Pancakes?“, Clarke asked excitedly.  
„Yeah, your dad's recipe, of course.“, Lexa answered swallwoing the dryness that had formed in her throat when she had allowed herself to take in the perfection that were Clarke Griffin's boobs...  
„Have I already told you that I kinda really like you today?“, Clarke said smirking as she finally let go of her girlfriend, well aware what had caught the brunette's attention..  
„I don't think so but you can show me just how much you do later in bed.“  
„I'm sure that could be arranged.“, Clarke winked at her brunette while biting her lip and it was one of the sexiest things Lexa had ever seen.  
„And now excuse me while I'm going to throw on some more clothes, make myself decent, you know?“  
Taking in Clarke's naked front another lump formed in Lexa's throat „Or you know, you could just stay here... I mean, that shirt does look pretty decent on you...“  
Clarke took another step backwards „We woulnd't want to dirtract you from being romantic and making breakfast, would we?“, she said while she turned around getting rid of the only peace of clothing that covered her body in a teasing motion. 

_„Clarke Griffin, one day you're going to be the death of me.“, Lexa whispered to herself wide-eyed._

Lexa knew she couln't allow herself to think about those memories, she needed to stop this...

She startled when she heard a knock at her door. "Come in!"  
"Hey", it was Costia, her assistant, "I'm going to leave now if there is nothing else you want me to do..."  
"There is nothing left to do for you here, Costia, you may leave now.", Lexa always tried to keep their conversations formal, as well as their relationship... she knew that the younger girl had a crush on her. It was pretty obvious and the redhaired girl didn't even try to hide it anymore at this point. Although she had to admit that it was incredibly flattering to have someone genuinely caring about her Lexa wasn't interested in any kind of relationship with her assistant, she wasn't even interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment... well to be honest there was at least someone but that was probably not going to happen right now...  
But still it wasn't like she hadn't tried though... once in a while she did have someone spending the night with her on weekends but that was it, just one night nothing more, no strings attached. Lexa wouldn't be Lexa if she didn't have some kind of rule for those encounters. They made her feel less alone for a few hours but after they were gone, the loneliness came back and a wave of guilt washed over her. She knew that no one would ever be able to fill that hole inside her heart but sometimes she just wished that she had a reason to leave the office early, someone waiting for her to come home, anyone really... there was just one problem with all these women she had been dating through the years... they were not Clarke Griffin.

 

On her way home, Lexa often found herself wondering if Clarke sometimes thought about her too, if she also regretted how things ended between them as much as Lexa did...  
Truth be told, Lexa would be content to just hear anything about Clarke, just random things about her and the life the she lived now without her in it...


	2. Introduction II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight in Clarke's life after Lexa...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left kudos to the first chapter :)
> 
> Hope you like this chapter, it's also a little longer ;)

She took a few steps back from the easel so she could have a better look at her work, a painting on canvas. She was pretty content with how far she'd come so far. It was the best she had painted in a while although it wasn't quite as good as her earlier paintings... she knew that but she didn't really believe herself she would ever be that good again, somehow she felt less inspired. After her first exhibition in a little galery in Brooklyn Clarke Griffin had quickly made herself known in New York's art scene. She was now finishing the last few pieces for her third own exhibition. Her paintings had gotten a lot darker since the first ones. The quality hadn't really suffered that much... she was still an amazing painter but her new works didn't really have that much of an emotional value for her anymore. Of course she couldn't think of anything else she'd rather do, painting was her passion, the one thing that always seemed to make her happy but it was also her job now.

She had always used art as some kind of valve to get all her feelings out, to express herself... where other people kept their journals and wrote in order to process their feelings, Clarke used to a white canvas and paint as her own personal journal and that's the reason why her first series had been her most personal. Being an artist now she had to constantly keep painting to get her work done even when she didn't feel too inspired because most of the times she had a deadline to catch.

Clarke often remembered those times when she had been more inspired, when she had been genuinely happy without a worry in the world but that was some time ago now... She knew that she was back in New York, Raven had told her as she was in contact with Anya again. After all that had happened between them Raven had never mentioned Lexa once and Clarke was thankful for that. It was nothing she really wanted to talk about although she still wasn't able to move on even after all those years... It was a few weeks ago when Raven had told her that Anya and her best friend would come back to New York to start their own business. She knew that she had to be back in the city by now... she was well aware that they would probably have to meet one way or another as two of her best friends were in relationships with Lexa's best friends... or at least that's what she called it. Clarke still didn't really know what there really was between Raven and Anya and sometimes it seemed that the both of them didn't even know it themselves... Back in High School when Clarke and Lexa had introduced their best friends to each other they had started messing around with each other but never being more than just „fuck buddies“ as Raven liked to refer to their relationship. Even after High School they kept in touch and when they both were in town they would go on dates and spend a few nights together. But they still had this mutual respect for each others love lives so when one of them had something going on with someone else the other didn't make a move... that was until they broke up again which always seemed to be inevitable with these two. Clarke had often tried to interfere and tell them to get their heads out of their asses and finally get together as they were both obviously crazy about each other but she soon had to lear that there was no use doing so. The truth was they were both afraid of commitment but at the same time they couldn't do without each other...

But Clarke had learned that it wasn't her place to tell them what to do and she knew that eventually they would have to face their feelings...

Noticing that it was slowly getting darker outside of her little studio she took a look at her father's watch that she always wore around her right wrist just like her father had used to wear it. She smiled fondly at the memory of her father who had always seemed to feel the need to swim against the tide, always doing things differently than other people used to do them... and maybe that was the reason why Jake had liked Lexa so much but just as well it could have the fact that the brownhaired girl seemed to make his daughter genuinely happy without even trying. She remembered how her father used to sneak into her room to hold her at night when he heard her sobbing, trying to cry herself to sleep after Lexa had left. His presence alone was soothing along with his gentle strokes through her hair...

_„Hey, look at me...“, he whispered._

_„It hurts so much dad, why does it hurt so much?“_

_„Because you love her, baby, the two of you have been so in love with each other... I would be more concerned if it didn't hurt at all.“, he said gently._

_„I just want it to stop... I want it to stop hurting...“, she sobbed into her father's shirt._

_„Don't you dare say that,honey, let me tell you that if you're lucky enough the hurt will never stop because as long as it hurts you know that you really love her... the kind of love that the two of you shared doesn't just go away, Clarke. You are meant to be together and I promise you because you're meant for each other you will always find a way back to her...“_

 

Clarke wondered if her father had just said those words in a desperate attempt to comfort her or if he had really believed what he told her that night.

It was true that her dad had always been a dreamer but she couldn't remember that he once in her life lied to her or broke a promise. Even three years ago when she asked him in tears to promise her that he wouldn't go, that he wouldn't leave her, that he wouldn't let the brain tumor win... but all he had promised her in response was that he wouldn't give up, that he wouldn't stop fighting... and that's what he did, he had been strong for her and her mother... Clarke felt a single tear rolling down her cheek at the memory of her dad.

Sometimes she still allowed herself to believe that her dad had been right, a part of herself that still hoped that there was a way for her and Lexa to get back together someday. A part that thought that maybe this time when they would get another chance the time would be right for them to be together but before that could even happen they would still have a long way to go...

She didn't even know anything about Lexa and the life she now lived. Lexa could've moved on a long time ago. God knows, she could even be married by now and have kids... Clarke didn't want to think about that too much and she was sure that if the brunette's life had really changed that drastically in the last few years, Raven or Octavia would have told heror at least they would have dropped some hints.

For a few years she had thought she was finally over Lexa, she was getting better and although she still thought about her former lover sometimes it hurt less. When she thought about their relationship and all the memories they had made, everything that still kind of connected them to each other heart heart wouldn't clench anymore, there was no lump in her throat, no tears in her eyes anymore, there was no disappointment, no anger... just some kind of dull ache she felt in her heart that made her feel nostalgic. She thought it came from the ralization that those things were all over and that it would never turn back, it would never be the same again...

 

_Clarke didn't dare to look at Lexa as the brunette pulled over in front of her house. Instead she kept her eyes trained on her lap. Their hands were interwined and they had been holding hands since leaving the restaurant. This cute little place that served italian food that was so much more to them than just a restaurant. They had been there for their first date and many more after that. They've had dinner there when Lexa had given her the golden heart shaped necklace that she hadn't taken off since that very evening. Lexa's parents had taken them there to celebrate their daughter's birthday... all these memories and milestones in their relationship were attached to this cute little place._

_„Hey Baby, what's wrong?“, Lexa asked, gently stroking her thumb over the back of Clarke's hand._

_„Nothing...“, the blonde lied._

_Lexa's free hand gently cupped the blonde's chin, slowly raising her head until their eyes met. The brunette's green eyes showed worry but also curiosity. Clarke knew that she could tell her girlfriend everything that she was the one person she could be completely honest to without being judged. But still she couldn't bring herself to tell her the truth, she couldn't tell her that she had found the acceptance letter of her first choice college on the desk in her room when the brunette had gone for a run on Saturday morning which was now exactly a week ago. The blonde had felt full of inspiration that morning after a night of making love and showing their affection to each other so she had decided to finally sit down and draw for a little while. On her search for a piece of paper the letter had caught her eye, the letter which told her girlfriend that she got into Berkeley, the university her parents had gone to just like her grandfather before them, the university that was litterally situated on the opposite side of the country. For the past week she had tried not to think about the fact that Lexa, her Lexa was probably going to move but also the impact that would have on her and on their relationship... of course it didn't matter how much she tried, she couldn't even push that thought to the back of her mind which made her feel incredibly insecure... and the fact that Lexa hadn't told her about it yet didn't really make anything better for the blonde. And of course Lexa had noticed by now that something was off but she couldn't tell her what it was that made her feel this way so instead she lied which only made her feel guilty..._

_Lexa kept holding her gaze, the strokes of her thumb over tha back of Clarke's hand never stopping._

_„You know, you can tell me everything when you're ready to talk about it, right? I won't pressure you into talking to me when you don't want to or you're not ready but you now that you don't have to be alone with whatever goes on in that pretty little mind of yours... we can always work things out together...“, Lexa whispered softly. The words were probably meant to be comforting but somehow they sounded kind of sad coming out of Lexa's mouth so the blonde thought that maybe there was something more to her words._

_Clarke nodded slowly, leaning in to capture Lexa's lips in soft and chaste kiss which quickly became heated with Clarke sucking on Lexa's lower lip. She trailed her way down to her girlfriend's pulse point leaving soft little kisses along the way._

_„Fuck Clarke, what do you think you're doing?“, Lexa asked a little amused but undoubtedly also aroused as she was panting._

_„Sorry, I guess I just got a little carried away...probably because I love you so much.“, Clarke answered sheepily. 'And probably because I need some kind of reassurence that I can make you feel this way or I would go crazy thinking about you in California and all those sexy chicks that are probably going to hit on you', she thought to herself._

_„I love you too, babe and you have no idea just how much...“_

_Little did they know that all the things left unsaid between them would lead to one to many misunderstandings in their relationship..._

 

So many things in Clarke's life had changed since that moment, many of which she regretted but her life had also taken a turn into the right direction when it came to her profession and doing what she loved. Ultimately everything she's been through had made her the person she was today and she finally had enough confidence in herself to say that she was proud of the person she had become... and maybe the time was really right, maybe the time had come for her to allow herself to feel again, maybe she was ready to love again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in the next chapter we will finally find out what exactly happened between those two and why they broke up... and maybe they will finally get to see each other's faces again. :)


End file.
